This artful post hits on many of the reason this particular game failed:
"I spent the first 20 hours of FFXIII not knowing what the fuck was going on or why the heroes were doing anything, thanks to the world's worst collection of fantasy proper nouns (the "heroes" have been turned into L'Cie by a Fal'Cie and might turn into a Cie'th? Fuck you)"
but it still manages to miss some of the biggest frustrations I had with the game. In no particular order they are:
1. The abrupt angle changes. Normally this isn't a big deal in a FF game, except in this game there is something called a "preemptive strike", which is essentially a sneak attack. To pull it off you frequently have to aggro a mob then run away so it chases you, after it has given up on you it will turn around and go back to its original location. Then BAM while its back is turned you run back and attack it. Tada! Preemptive Strike. Except... if you are running away from a mob, or trying to sneak up on it to begin with, and there is an abrupt angle change, well let's say it doesn't exactly lead to "stealthy" actions. More likely you'll end up smack against the creatures face, or running into a wall while it eats you.
2. The upgrade system. I love collecting weapons. I love the process of creating ultimate weapons. Whether it's FFVIII and I'm running around trying to kill Blue Dragons so I can get enough Dragon Fangs for Squall's awesome ultimate weapon, Lionheart, or I'm playing Blitzball for days so I can get the Jupiter Sigil for Wakka's World Champion in FFX, whatever. I'm in. EXCEPT for this damn game. First of all, upgrading your weapons doesn't matter at all unless you plan on killing every single out of the way beast in the game. You can beat the game just fine with nothing but the basics the game gives you. Second, the ARCANE system they created for upgrades. Okay, first you select your weapon. You will see it's current item level and it's experience points (EXP). Okay, got that part. Next you select components (stuff you pick up or buy) and pour a ton of them into the weapon. Once the EXP from the components gets high enough your weapon gains a level. Seems simple, right? Ohhh, ho. No.
See, the EXP needed is astronomical, (to get from level 1 weapons to level 5 (ultimate) weapons will take 1,500,000 EXP and the BEST components in the game have an average of around 600 EXP each), so the only way to do it is with HIDDEN MULTIPLIERS. WTF. Every component has this hidden multiplier, some are positive, some are negative (!!!) You need to take a large number of unknown item A, which has a high multiplier, with a huge quantity of unknown item B, which has high EXP, throw them together- make sure you do this all at once or the multiplier will go away and you'll have to start from the beginning again- and THEN get your upgrade. If you get the math wrong, you're out expensive items. Let me rephrase that. If you get the mystery math with secret multipliers wrong, you get screwed. If you do it in small quantities, you're screwed. If you use any items other than the 15 or so that are mathematically efficient, you're screwed. That's right. Of the dozens and dozens of things I have picked up over the course of the game, only about 15 are actually useful for this. The rest of them are just shit to sell, so I can buy more of the useful 15. Kinda defeats the point of collecting lots of exotic and diverse items.
I hate this system more than I can ever possibly articulate.
3. THE NAMES. OH DEAR GOD THE NAMES.
The Fal'Cie, L'Cie, Cie'th nonsense is only the tip of the iceberg. (god type creatures, me, and soulless zombie-beasts, respectively)
Even innocent monsters get the unmemorable and indistinguishable name curse.
Want me to tell you the difference between an Uhlan, a Zwerg and a Ugallu? How about between a Garchimacera, a Gorgonopsid and a Gurangatch? No? What if I were to tell you that a Wight, Pijavica, Nelapsi, Varcolaci, Edimmu, Mithridates and a Bituitus were all just different levels of the same beast? Would you pull out your hair trying to remember them or would they just blur into "ughhh. I guess I'll attack that one" territory? For me, I assure you it was the latter.
4. The characters.
All of them lack depth, most lack sense and never show anything other than surface emotion. Snow and Serah try for the epic hopeless romance and fail epically. Serah is supposed to be the main motivation for not one but TWO of our main characters, but never says or does much besides be blankly pleasant and her pre-pubesent character design makes all of her scenes with Snow unbelievably creepy. Snow gets a lot of flack for being a dope, and he is, but at least he's a sort of handsome dope who is considerate enough to stay in the background. Vanille just makes me long for FFX's awesomely adorable Rikku, and though Vanille is the main narrator of the game, her shrill voice, unceasing giggles and unrelenting inanity make me flinch every time she is on the screen. Hope is not much better. I don't like sullen, whiny, wimpy 12 year-olds in real life, why would I want to spend my time playing one on screen? Especially when he is portrayed as an epic hero? Sazh, as the token black guy (a first for the Final Fantasy series), is okay but his backstory with his son is trite and forced. Lighting is supposed to be the stoic tough guy (girl) but just comes across as thoughtless. Fang is the true heir to Cloud and Squall, and is the only one who never pissed me off, but she gets the least amount of screen time. Go figure.
5. The ending. *Spoiler Alert*
Or, more specifically, the post-ending. Let me start by saying that this game was built with the idea that after you beat the game, you would come back and play for many more hours, finishing side-quests, running around so you characters would all be maxed out on leveling, whatever. I'll repeat that. This game was BUILT, from the start, for you to continue to play after you beat the game. After all, you can't even access the top character levels until after you beat the final boss.
After you beat the final boss (a 'meh' fight at best), in order to save the world two of your characters sacrifice themselves so they can turn into a giant crystal pillar that holds the industrial moon-world up, preventing it from crashing into the primordial big world and ending all life on both worlds. Okay, not bad. I always liked my sacrificial lambs, in books, movies or video games. The two characters we're been fighting to save this whole time, the creepily pre-pubescent looking Serah and Sazh's actually cute young son, both magically reappear in a shower of sunlight and loved ones running towards each other. The story ends there, with the heros that are still alive gazing with new wisdom upon the giant crystal pillar that their friends became, and the miscellaneous citizenry that were saved milling about with newfound hope on the big planet, tra~la~la, the end.
Except, there's so much for me to do still! And they just killed two of my characters! But I shouldn't worry, after all, it's DESIGNED THIS WAY. And hey, now that Serah and the little boy are saved I bet they'll just substitute them for the two who were killed and away we go! Off side-questing and ultimate hunting. Kind of weird that I'm supposed to play as a five year old, but whatever, Hope is a little kid too and they were cool with that.
SCREECH. Nope. You beat the game, then go to start it again so you can access that final character level, and you're expecting, foolishly it turns out, to start on the big planet where you ended the game in a shower of triumph. Instead you are shoehorned back into the previous chapter, BEFORE the final boss fight, and though yes, the last character level is available, your two martyr characters are still alive and in your party and everything is the same as it was before you won. Literally. Everything is the same. Citizens are still screaming for their lives, the world is still falling apart, and your characters are still branded by the god-creature you JUST KILLED, who is of course unaware that you ever killed him. I felt so angry and betrayed at this point I promptly turned off the game and tossed it in a bin. What a shitty way for Square Enix to treat its fans. To slog through a frustrating and dull game, only to be rewarded by developers who don't even care enough to fulfil their own promises. I miss good Final Fantasy.
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